5 Tips to Support Yourself

Have you ever experienced this flash of anger and frustration when your post on social media is received with some derision? When some random follower is likely having a bad day and decides that they would decide to judge you, your opinions/views and express an opinion that is not on the subject but you as a person?

I have. A not-so-mature follower commented on my post and completely discredited the spirit of it by emoting that I am undermining the efforts of my parents and instead applauding an outsider. This person went on to say something about how children these days don’t value the wisdom of their parents.

My first emotion was anger. I saw daggers and I wanted to do some releasing. A few gulps of ice cold water and deep breaths later, I reported the person’s profile as an abuse complaint, deleted the comments from my post, and did some furious journaling in all possible colours. Had I not had the plentiful water and done the breathing as I did, I might’ve still been sending hate emails and reacting to the comments on my post thereby attracting more toxicity towards my post. Not just that, I’d be losing sleep over a random comment that would just impact my emotional state.

How did I control the raging impulse to call out the immaturity of this individual and go to bed peacefully? I became aware of my state of mind and because of that awareness, controlled the impulse to hit out at someone who was a stranger. I also revisited the notes I had in coaching conversations with my coach.

The International Coaching Federation defines a coach as “your partner in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires you to maximise your personal and professional potential”. A coach is essentially a trusted, unbiased individual who builds a safe space free of all judgement and inhibitions for you to re-evaluate your decisions.

We are always going to be work in progress. As this ever-changing world throws new challenges our way, how could we better manage ourselves without disturbing our own emotional state?

Here’s my list of five ways in which coaching helps me in my journey:

1. Feeling feelings

Society has evolved to applaud the silent, mysterious kind on the one hand and the macho, rebellious kind on the other. A large majority of us are the in-between kind. The coping mechanism for this category is through exchanging relatable memes on the internet and fertilising the grapevine. These temporary fixes could be stress relievers but do not get to the root of the emotions. The resultant outbursts manifest in both physical as well as mental well-being.

My coach helped me develop a coping mechanism to understand why I was feeling the way I was. No feelings are ever invalid or unnecessary, but it takes a coach to help you understand the root-cause and decide on the right course of action. With the right coach, you can be comfortable with your emotions without feeling overwhelmed.

2. Respond Not React

Oftentimes, we don’t have a say in how someone else behaves. The closest of our friends and family members are also likely to disappoint us occasionally. We could either be overcome with rage and hold on to it to the point of never speaking to each other again or we could find a middle ground. Often, we adopt the reactive approach which leads to us having to choose one point-of-view and siding with it. So, instead of ruffling too many feathers what if there was a peaceful way to steer through the difficult parts?

With coaching, you can discover your own core values. I have learnt that taking a break and disengaging allows me to respond to a situation not react. That has helped me understand not just my core values but those of the other person so that I could manage my communication better without feeling disturbed. It has allowed me to surround myself with those who share similar values and lead a more fulfilled life.

3. Me deciding for “me”

As children, we rely on our parents to make the right decisions for us. Usually, the first disagreement in decision-making occurs in our teenage years when we start dating and thinking about our careers. But as we grow up, we have our own experiences and expectations from life. For every decision that we make in this journey, we get or look for the opinions of our support system. But do we listen to them? If there are conflicting opinions, who do we listen to – mom or dad, mentor or spouse? Most importantly what do I really want? How do we take a pause and cut out the background noise long enough to first understand our own needs?

Enter coach – with coaching, you can safely answer the questions which matter the most. “What do I want in life?”. “What are my dreams and aspirations?”. It is not about being selfish but about prioritizing what you want. A coach is equipped with the tools to guide us through the background noise, until we arrive at what we really want. A coach can equip you with the right methods to navigate through the noise to get to your destination. Decision-making is one of the most challenging aspects of adulting. Find a coach and crack the code!

4. Building Confident You

We all have a small voice in our head, undermining our every move. No matter how well-researched a decision is, that voice finds a way to grip our heart and give us a couple of restless hours in the very least. When you’re confronting this voice, how do you respond to it? Do you give in and agree completely, or do you separate the fact from fiction and take corrective action? The differentiation in approach is what self-confidence is built on. A coach, can help you internalise this difference until it becomes your way of life.

5. Be the very best version of yourself

We all have an idea of ourselves. Habits, personality, people’s opinions, and how we deal with them all play a significant role in shaping this idea. Making this idea a reality is where most of us struggle. It’s not easy but it’s not difficult either. In order to keep being the best version of you, every single day, despite the many glitches along the way, you need perseverance. A coach helps you build the resilience to persevere, taking small steps until you are the best version of yourself.

Find a coach! Sign up today!